QC-L Version 4.0

I could go back and play more Neopets, but I am sick of it. I think that is a good thing. Disgust tells me that I am thinking half way straight. I wrote a long essay on my guild's web board that scaird me and mentioned lack of intellectual freedom in an Other Worlds board post. Such is life. Dodging bullets gets old, and the trouble with Neopets is you are only a renter and never a buyer. I have just a hair under 200,000NP between the two accounts. Some of that becomes transfer tax. I need 240,000NP to paint Jalepinio21 rainbow.

Tonight I wonder if I will ever get there. This is the most Neopoints I have ever rigged up. "It's only pixels" is not an argument that flies with me but "You don't own it" sure does. So too does "Any place where you can't have a normal conversation has problems and they are fast becoming your problems and don't have to be."

I will probably go back. I am surprised at how comfortable I feel on the RAOK board by the way. That is a VENGANCE VICTORY. I went looking for a site where you could send letters to soldiers for just the cost of postage and cards but it was a dud. There is a site out there that charges ten dollars for the priviledge and I don't think that is fair. The war is an opportunity for all kinds of unscrupulous profiteers to batten off a feeling of patriotism.

Patriotism and supporting the troops is antiBrainstormish so it is good to do for vengance. I need to keep my ideas and ideals straight.

Yes, I've been making pressies again for RAOK. A member who does not use the board or the Circleoffriends mailing list much lost he father to Alzheimer's. I left a pressie in her guestbook, and all my old pressies felt old. Mostly these days I send cards. Guestbook spam is just too big a problem, and I have good card sites.

One of the memberse of my Godsmanna mailing list is running a private casualty yard in which casualties can ask for messages of encouragement and support. Hey, is this a great opportunity to RAOK or what. Besides these folks don't have much social capital (Brainstorms definition) so helping them is good for vengance. As I said before, one must stay true to one's ideas.

I just looked up where to find the closest Wal-Mart in Atlanta. It is way at the north end of the city, but after I move to Decatur I'll be shopping there at least a little. Wal-Mart and other big business is antiBrainstormish so shopping in such places is fantastic revenge.

By the way, all the new pressies are hand draws so they do not violate intellectual property or copy right one little bit. That is a great AntiBrainstormish step in the right direction. Way to go. It is great to have so much vengance victory to report.

Well tomoorrow I'm off to Atlanta again to sign my lease and to practice commuting to work. I have one more Mapquest map to print but first I want to write because self expression is the most important thing. It is more important than either community or social capital. I always know God is looking over my shoulder as I write so I have an audience and that is fantastic.

Hertzel had his tooth out on Thursday. He was supposed to get a tooth cleaning but I knew he had bad teeth because his breath was not always sweet. Anyway, the vet sent me home wtih antirobe drops. The only problem is that the drops have a 1ml dropper and Hertzel needs a whopping 4ml of medicine (four squirts) a day. He weighs in at 13.5lb and is all muscle which makes him a big burly fullback of a neutered tom. He is my big baby boy of joy. He hates the medicine, but tonight's dosing went better than last night's which was chaos.

I'm not sure what will happen tomorrow night since I may get back from Atlanta late and Hertzel seems to be having no trouble. I have to give him his cat food wet but other than that he is OK.

I had a disappointment at the mall on Thursday. I went to have an Auntie Anne's pretzel and look at the sequined NYM bags and found that those beautiful bags I had admired all summer, fall, and winter don't have long enough handles to be adequate shoulder bags. I think Penny's has nice purses. I will have to look there. I might even look in Wal-Mart. Their prices at least are decent. I got my last purse at K-Mart so I'm no snob.

Now despite my common touch or lack thereof, I'm going to order some stuff from Northstyle if they are open 24/7. It is a big order but it is a treat, a prize, a reward for getting a job. I need more sweaters and Northstyle has the cutest scalloped dark brown skirt. It really is unique. I feel I deserve something special, and speaking of something special, I bought a baboon pin for fifteen dollars from the big costume jewelry concession at the local mall. That was cool.

I just realized, I don't know where Penny's is in Atlanta. I guess that is one more thing to learn. I've all ready done Wal-Mart and Long John Silver's. I found the Blimpie's on my own and ran across another Subway. There are Subways all over Atlanta. Restaurants make good landmarks.

Oh well, I guess I have a lot to learn but tomorrow will be an exciting and fun learning time. That won't be too bad. I probably will even cram some shopping in. I guess after six months of agonizing job search I deserve to celebrate.

I feel dirty and rotten and 18,000NP richer. By the time of the next transfer of funds to the store house account occurs, there will be over 200,000NP in the store house account. My goal is 240,000NP. I am looking at four more sessions like the one today and two more transfers. The transfers which involve a trade for nonjunk items cost between 5,000 and 10,000NP. I call this paying tax. It makes the trades look less suspect. I've already been burned for thought crime and don't want to be burned for economic crime. TNT is nothing but capricious.

In other Neopian news, I have noticed far fewer slash role plays on the boards. Slash is gay and lesbian fiction. There must have been a real crack down in the last few weeks. Well I was not alone in losing an account and besides I still have the pets, and I sheltered over 100,000NP in assets. I also backed up a list of Neofriends not that it is worth much. We didn't have much contact all the months that the account was decent.

If both accounts survive and there is a good chance they will and if I reach my goal, I will have one of the absolutely rarest creatures in Neopia. I have never seen a rainbow skeith on any one's account. There are probably fewer of them than there are krawks. Skeiths are not popular pets among upwardly mobile and ambitious Neopians and very few people bother to paint them. They frequently end up as lab rats so it will look as if Jalepinio21's new color is an accident. Oh well...I am going to get to show her off on the Fan Club board one night just for fun. I'll have my one day of glory and my life will return to normality and sanity.

Nasmath now has her own story and I titled it with apologies to Thomas Wolf who wrote A Man in Full and set that novel in Atlanta. Well Nasmath was too controversial for sensitive Singaporian youngsters.

Yes, I think they ought to nuke Singapore right now. They cane people there. They don't have free speech and their government gives kids Neopoints or other Neopian rewards for good grades. Also Disney/Touchstone is advertising their Singaporian movies on Neopets like crazy. In a way, this is revenge for the freezing but I'm an American not a Singaporian and America is a country with free speech.

People who talk about Google in China should get a whiff of things to come by joining Neopets and just hanging out like flies on the walls.

Now one more thing. 3000NP a day are coming from a game called Animal Crossing which advertises Nintendo. Animal Crossing is a Nintendo game. The purpose of the game is to manufacture consent and convince parents that video games are wholesome pursuits. OK, Animal Crossing is a cute nonviolent kiddie game, but there are tons of first person shooters and war games out there too and besides playing video games or Neopets games is the world's worst waste of time. Since I have the internet and can get to java games whenver I want at home, there is no reason for me to buy Nintendo or to care about their product. I just loathe public relations campaigns. I'll be glad when I finally paint Jalepinio21 rainbow.

By the way, I know that a lot of you are thinking that I'll want something else. Most likely you are right. I will want training and books but that is not the long haul of saving up over 200,000NP. I would also like to paint DavidAllenCampbell either brown or checkered. That will also be a shorter haul. Some day I might like to acquire a skunk buzz morphing potion and to create a buzz to morph. Ddog45, my faithful and true she grarrl on my store house account will be morphed to white when I paint Jalepinio. I already have the potion. It was the way I sheltered most of the old account's wealth. I am so glad I stayed several steps ahead of the Neopets Team.

In a few hours, I take Hertzel to have his teeth cleaned. They are going to put him under light sedation at the vet's. I have to get up very early and will probably sleep with the light on. This means I won't sleep deeply.

Saturday I am scheduled to go back to Atlanta to sign the lease for my apartment and practice riding the bus to my new job and finding the bus stop and all the rest. I guess that means I need to look on Mapquest and go through the motions of making the walk on the screen. I have two days to get that straightened out.

I also need to start looking at rugs. The new apartment has hard wood floors.

I also realize I left my tea that I bought in a health food store that also had a restaurant where a new colleague and I ate lunch on Monday. I am going to be working in an office of health food eaters. I must have made a very good fit. To me health food tastes like home cooking. That is reason enough to enjoy it. Vegan food is just a good taste choice most of the time. Aesthetic reasons make the most sense for a diet unless you are under doctor's orders or something like that.

Hertzel and Lysistrata, my two cats, have just figured out the food dishes have gone missing and all their water sources are blocked. Hertzel has to be fasted starting forty minutes ago. I got a "huh" look from Lysistrata. Hertzel is calmer. Both cats sniffed the big tan crate that I am going to use to take Hertzel to the vet in the morning.

The funny thing is I used to fantasize about being in the state I am in now. Now I just want to sleep for twenty-four hours and do nothing. I don't even want to buy myself a new NYM purse with spangles all over it. I promised myself such a purse if I got a job. I also don't want to buy a new orange sweater. The brown skirt I wanted is no longer at NorthStyle. I wonder if the orange sweater is.

Go ahead and laugh at me all of you. I have been putting together a new work wardrobe. The mask is going to stay glued to my face throughout this ordreal. Eventually I will become the mask and the new person. No, this does not feel like a happy prospect because the new person forgets the old person was really real. After a while you don't know who you really are, but I need to earn a living and be liked by my new colleagues. None of these colleagues know who I really am. I don't want them to ever know. Yes, I feel like an imposter. I can fake it until I make it, but with what do I get stuck?

I think I need some sleep before I put my sweet boy in the crate in the morning and take him to the vet for his dental work. Poor Hertzel boy. Wish me luck.

I gave my PLAY PRETEND BRAINSTORMS, the Silk Purse, a long deserved and awaited update. I also found a casualty yard full of low social capital folks (Brainstorms definition) who need support. It's all done by e-card too. Whoo-hoo! I almost didn't blog tonight, I was out there giving support. This is a vengance victory. It feels great.

Of course the file is having trouble and keeps getting courrupted when I rename it. I checked it off line so I know the problem ais at the provider's end. I just have to keep working hard and keeping up my faith. No one ever said that vengance was easy.

I am playing way too much Neopets. I have 160,000/240,000 -250,000 NP that I need for the rainbow paint brush. I call that progress. When it is done, it is done. I made 22,000NP today without really trying. I am kind of impressed in spite of myself. I have more cash NP than I can ever remember having. I don't know when the next round of funds transfer to the storehouse account will happen. It may be days to weeks from now. Real life is going to invade.

Well I passed my credit check with the potential landlady. My colleague likes her. I will have to live with her. Having a landlady/manager with whom I am in personal contact rather than a management company is for me a normal state of affairs, but i can see how people might not like it.

I got to teach today. I can't talk much about work. I wish I could, but I have to self censor. We had speakers today and that was OK because that meant free lunch. Tomorrow I work late shift. I do't eve mind four hours on the desk. I am going to have to grade and get my course flipped over for next week.

I also need to see how many CD's I hav eand whether my computer at my desk can burn them because that is what I want to do. I have a lot of CD burning. That is a good way of looking at it. I also realized I left some tea I bought up in Atlanta. If Sherry drinks it, that is fine. Sherry is going to be one of my new colleagues. There is more to it than I can say.

I have a housing orientation day on Saturday when I go up to sign my lease. I suppose I should call Sherry about the tea or email her. I can always take a bus up to the new job and get the tea. That would be a good excuse. I also need to find the bus stop on my own. I don't know thing one about Decatur which is where I'll be living.

Hertzel goes to the vet on Thursday to have his teeth cleaned which means I have to fast him and I have to get up early on Thursday which is a swing shift. How do you say exhaustion. I know it is the right thing. I don't want any veterinary emergencies as I'm settling in to a new job.

Lou says he is still coming down here to help me move, but he hasn't set a firm date. That is so typical it is not funny. Right now Lou is waiting on a check.

It is good not to have to pack for a couple of weeks and it will be good to pack as well since it is something to do. It is good to be busy. It is good to have downtime too, but being busy rocks more.

My cats are quiet right now which must mean they are up to something. They do not know they are going to a new apartment. This will be their third home. That is the nice thing about rescue kitties. They tend to be resilient.

Oh well, I'm going to see if this wreack of a blog publishes.

Chemistry for Beginners is still down on Neopets. This is a breaking of faith. All Neopets is ninty percent of the time is a reenforcement machine mounted on a server. If the server breaks the spell goes with it. I am not up to being an eyeball whore tonight so I don't feel like playing games. I am blogging here. Tonu day has started but the free training for Nasmath_of_Roanna is not yet available. Yes, I named her after the character that got me frozen. I still have to find a home for that character in a good fictional location.

There will be days where all I do on Neopets is feed the pets which reminds me, I have three hungry pets. OK, I'll take care of that. There is food on hand and there is no point in having an inventory full of junk. I may try a bit of Tyrannean miniature golf and such if I can stomach that. My real life has just gotten exciting and good enough, that earning Neopoints is going to fall by the wayside.

I've also come to the conclusion that participation on Neopets and for site fighting follows a power law distribution with a few dedicated souls accounting for much of the action and everyone else barely doing anything. I'm not sure what one can do about that, for the site fighting. For the Neopets it is better that people lose their taste for it and move on. I wish I could.

I may well have housing in Atlanta. I paid a security deposit and first month's rent on an apartment in Decatur, GA. I am now pending a credit check. I find this embarassing but such is life in the big city. I had a choice between a very good bargain of an apartment in a middle class neighborhood and an equally good bargain in a working class neighborhood. Talk about crime frequently masks talk of classism.

Anyway, I ended up with the middle class apartment because the managers at the working class place had an office that stank of talcum powder and they really werent' cordial over the phone and they were going to close the pool and laundry room. Also there is no decent supermarket near the working class complex. I have a three point test for supermarkets. I look for bosc pears, good quality apples, and winter squash. I also look for the variety of fruit preserves. Having these items means they will have lots of other things that cater to customers from the Northeastern United States. This store had no bosc pears and failed on the fruit preserves and nearly failed on soup pasta. I also realized that if I wanted the other apartment it was likely to disappear quickly since it was significantly below market rent.

I jumped and made a deal and had to do the deposit in cash (all made possible via ATM machine) due to leaving my checkbook at home. That all felt crazy, and now I'm worried about passing the credit check. I've had a contested charge on one of my credit cards for five years. Yes, I fought it. Yes, it no longer collects interest. Yes, I have to keep that credit card until I die because if the charge transfers it might start collecting interest again. My finances are not all that messy.

The new apartment will have hard wood floors. These are all the rage, but they will need rugs. I even know what kind of rugs I want. I want saissal and braided and other nubbly nonfuzzy kinds except for the living room where I want animal skin pattern since I have cheetah throws for all my furniture and a tiger lamp.

I go back to work tomorrow. It will kind of hurt. I have stuff to do with my class that I did not get done. There is a speaker and there is my class. There will be a free lunch. The routine feels old and stale. Maybe that is a good thing. There is more I could write here, but I self censor because the world can see this blog.

I wanted to keep earning Neopoints but self expression is more important so here I am. I made 14,000NP today and 13,000NP yesterday. That is disappointing but several well known nonsponsor games are down due to heavy server load. When the weather turns frightful, a warm computer and Neopets is so delightful.

I took a survey today on Neopets in the hopes of getting 1000NP and got to speak my mind just a little bit. I wish there were a corporate address to which I could really speak my mind. The more I think about it the more I positively resent my freeze. Face it, I know that Singapor had a lot to do with it. Singaporians are Chinese who live in the Malay peninsula. Nasmath was Moslem like a Malay but she was Malian, not Malaysian.

I'm thinking of giving Nasmath and the rest of my role play crew a nice role play all their own. I'll even set it in Westchester county. I also want to write an advice to the frozen article.

All that is shelved as real life crowds in and as my greed pushes everything else off stage. I am not addicted. I am human and I am a human who responds exceptionally well to small amounts of positive reinforcement. This made Thadea a superlative site fighter and keeps me sucked into the Neopian gyre in a way that leaves me angry and helpless and full of self loathing, until I think of that rainbow skeith.

Today was mostly a day for recouping which is OK. I did laundry. I washed my hair, and I got the odds and ends needed to make sure I don't run out of panty hose and that my shoes are shined for the trip to Atlanta. I am going to Atlanta in the morning to look for housing.

I also made a new version of my killer kasha kasserole. I've been eating well which has helped the muscle aches though my guts are still weird.

Last night I dreamed I was at a job interview in New Orleans. I was being driven all over the town and fed at every third stop and desperate to walk and get my bearings. We were at the top of the hill above all the area that Hurricane Katrina damaged. I got to go to the top of this building to see the damage but only after I had eaten. Everything I ate by the way, stained my interview suit's pants. Something about the interview reminded me more of the one at Clark University than anything else. At one point during the dream I became lucid enough to remember "I already have a job!" The interview went on anyway.

On the way to the restaurant where I spilled food on my pants and before I got to climb to the top floor of the building to view the destruction, we passed a prison where men sat on several levels of open platforms. The men were half naked. The platforms were over water and every so often a man dove in and swam. The guards did not shoot him but the prison looked terribly overcrowded and the men did not look happy.

I somehow think I needed to have that dream. I am not sure why. In all the months of interviewing, I have never dreamed of it. Dreaming of it felt good even though the dream left me feeling dizzy and almost sick.

The fact is the interviewing is over even though I feel as if it is continuing with this trip to Atlanta. Training days and housing trips are as much a part of the rite of passage of the academic job search as interviews. I remember all the ones of those I have ever had. They are emotional. At least this go round I am not delivering any one fishlets and I don't think there is a boss who is going to tell me about all the things the bad reference said and which he disregarded. Painan Wu (and I know where you are), you were my savior eighteen years ago.

One of the things about a successful job search is at the end one can be filled with gratitude. Here is a shoutout to all the people who helped me get the new job. First, the folks at Wade's Cleaners who even gave me an additional suit that I have yet to try on. It is a red suit. Maybe I'll wear it at a convention or to some big event.

To, the good folks at Intercity Shuttle for taking me to the airport and to Atlanta nine times. You rock! You are dependable, close by and even relatively cheap. Thanks and I don't mind the occasional vehicle that needs shocks. I sleep between the bumps.

To my references, all five of you. You were the best! You know why I needed you.

To my director, thankyou and that is all I am going to say on this blog though I have a lot more to say.

To the lady in the laundromat who remembered that my bad luck turtle neck became a good luck turtle neck, and to LandsEnd who sold me the turtle neck and made my suit that much more spiffy.

To Office Max for the plastic insert that makes my big scarlet and white tote bag a brief case. This makes it easier to fly.

To everyone who works at Hartsfield/Jackson Atlanta Airport, a great big shout out to you. To the security folks who let me nab extra baskets since I need at least two to go through security and who didn't give my full coat and hat a second glance. To the good folks at Pascal's for your grits and the good folks at Atlanta Bread Company for your cheese bagels. To whoever put that model railroad exhibit in to concourse T, that was beautiful and to the children whose artwork hangs in Councourse T, you also gave a scaird interviewee cheer and uplift.

And I'd like to thank the folks at Dallas Fortworth Airport for having Auntie Anne's pretzels in most of your concourses. When you change planes in Dallas, it is time for an Auntie Anne's jalepino pretzel and lemonade. Mt Olympus and Paradise are full of Auntie Anne's pretzel stands.

I'd also like to extend a special thankyou to the folks who work for America West at Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix, AZ for retreiving my red chenille hat from their airplaine when I accidentally left it on board. That was a life saver.

And last but not least, I'd like to thank the folks who run Sano's restaurant in Worcester, MA for their unusual and tastey sandwiches and their health food store with more flavors of Knudsen's Spritzer than I've seen anywhere. It's the little things that count in a long string of interviews and the little things I'll remember.

And now it's over. One set of interviewers turned into colleagues and I too have become a colleague or a prospective colleague for them. The paperwork is signed. Needless to say, I still feel very raw. The transition feels exceptionally difficult this time around and I'm not sure why though I can speculate. I know that these people have only seen me in interview garb and on my best behavior. They have no idea of whom they really hired. Yeah, I feel like a phoney.

I guess this is a common emotion. I don't know what I can do to get over it. I still feel I need to keep up a good face. Maybe after a time the good face becomes the new face. I hope that is what happens. I polished my shoes tonight and I made sure I have a nice sweater to wear and I'm wearing my interview coat. I also have what I think are a reasonable group of apartment appointments set up. I am going to insist on seeing the apartment in Clarkston because it is cheap and large. That is good reason enough as far as I am concerned. Oh well....I have to get up in less than six hours. I never sleep much on nights before I make these trips. I wish I could say more but I want to make this a good trip and a good job. That is all I can say.

Tonight, Chemistry for Beginners and Carnival of Terror would not load. I just learned Koeda Chan Basket Burden but seeing games in my progression not load really takes the wind out of my sails. There is a real limit to how badly you can whore yourself without wanting to play some real games. I head over to the role play board in disgust and maybe that is a good thing. I need to figure out how to restart my fiction and regular blog. I think there is something I can do with my ISP which migrated me to a new server. I like this board well enough but I miss role playing where I have some real intellectual freedom. Dodging bullets gets old.

Schul was a disappointment, not because I put a lot of stock in its being great. I didn't. It was a disappointment because the rabbi's sermon was typical Rabbi Roth. He can't build anything up without tearing other things down and he surely can not ask his congregation to do anything. Of course this formula works. It works because people out there must like it, or they don't put much stock in sermons or a combination of the two.

Basicly, the rabbi insisted that ritual was important even if we were all modern Jews. We had to understand and learn the ideas behind it though and the ideas were more important. OK, so far so good. Where he could have gone from here was to ask us to do just a little more than we do now. "You don't have to go the whole way...." is how the argument begins. This is called the "can you move just one inch?" approach. This is how Chabad's outreach and any serious Jewish outreach works.

This was not the way the rabbi's sermon worked. Out came the strawmen. This time they were many and varied. They were those evil folks who ate blood. When I pointed out that those evil folks included African tribespeople who had nothing against Jews, he sidestepped that issue. Actually most peoples who are not vegetarian eat blood. Any deli will sell you blood and tongue loaf. Like most raunchy colcuts, this one is a winner as far as taste is concerned. The Puerto Ricans enjoy marais. The Germans have blutwurst.

Then he talked about how eating chicken sickened him. Urban squeamishness is stupid and my rabbi has a good case of it. If he finds eating chicken distasteful then he and his wife should eat something else. I'm a real life vegetarian and I'm not one bit squeamish.

Then he went on to talk about a family in Georgia who took their eight year old son hunting. I'm not sure this is bad. Rural people hunt. It does not denote disrespect for life. There are too many deer and yes hunters eat what they kill. A typical all puropse cook book has recipes for game.

Then he lambasted Dick Cheyney for a hunting accident. Well it was an accident and the country in South Texas is flat, green, and beautiful, coastal with a big sky. I know because I was in that part of the country for a job interview. It's quail season by the way.

Last but not least, the rabbi lambasted those who breed pure bread "designer" dogs. I pointed out that selective breeding, a thousands of year old art, is what created most dog breeds and not all breeders are irresponsible. The rabbi lucked out. The lady who owns a lovely apricot toy poodle was not at schul last night. I asked the rabbi if he knew how we created corn. Yes, corn is the product of selective breeding from wild grass. It can not reseed itself. It is a creation of human ingenuity. Humans create creatures and plants to serve them and for their pleasure and this is not a disrespect for life. It is technology.

I will be glad to get to Atlanta and hear what a real rabbi has to say. Rabbi Roth is not worth my wrath except there is one schul here in Columbus and he is the rabbi so he is up there and handy.

I managed to clean out all the job hunting debris from the apartment today. It feels good NOT to be living in a job hunting museum. I also went grocery shopping and spent way too much money on food. I'm glad I did not go out to eat but had oatmeal at home. I am eating an ungodly amount of hot cereal but it is the only main course for which I have an appetite and whole grains like that are good for the IBS.

I hurt a whole lot less than I did on Friday which is a good thing. I slept nearly until noon today which was also good. My spiritual life is still a wreack. I'm not sure how to fix it but I want good spirit contact every day.

There was a lady in the kitchen booth at Publix and she was making a whole bunch of gross food and also rappini! Yes, for real! Broccoli rabe! I looked at her recipe. It had cheese in it. It tasted good but I told her that I made it differently. She asked me how I made it. She doesn't have a way of making it. She just cooks what the store tells her to. I make rappini with carrots, onions, and usually a frozen vegetable to extend it. I don't include cheese because it is too rich and also adds calories. Also, broccoli rabbe shriks so the extra vegetables give you more in the pan and I use peanut oil which does not burn like olive oil.

I think it was good to talk to the lady in the kitchen booth. Clearly as with most southerners, broccoli rabe was not her food and it was probably good for her to meet someone who liked it and ate it regularly. Oh well, I'd better go cook mine.

Let's start with the masthead. IT WAS WORTH IT! It was worth it to be kicked out of Brianstorms. It is worth it to be who I am, to do what I do, and to say what I say. Freedom of expression is more important than social capital (Brainstorms definition and regular definition) and even when there is no audience, God is always my audience. He looks over my shoulder and for that I am eternally grateful.

It was also worth it to say what I said though God knows I was politer than I ever should have been until the end when I gave them what for and really told them off. Now I am not polite any more, but I don't need to be. Stay away from Brainstorms it is bad news. No they do not get the publicity of a free link. Yes, it has been two years. I do not believe in letting go and moving on. That is why I have a blog like this where no one can tell me to shut up no matter how many times I want to repeat a message. That is why I am proud to have God in my audience because He is always there to listen.

And I have my Play Pretend Brainstorms and it is ten times better than the original. Play Pretend empowers me. Play pretend is the world's best alternative to put up and shut up! Long live Play Pretend! Woo hoo! Passion and joy are the rule here! Sing it out! Shout it out loud and proud!

IT WAS WORTH IT! It was worth it to have my account on Neopets frozen. I have another account by the way and wish I didn't but that is another story. Self expression and individual freedom are more important than Neopoints and painted pets. My story that got me banned was about a young woman from Mali named Nasmath who wore the hijab and was polite and respectful towards boys. Don't try to justify that as promoting religion or being unfamily friendly. Neopets does not believe in free speech. I do. I've gotten sucked back in for a variety of reasons and it is a vengance set back. Both my present account and the one I lost are fairly freeze proof.

I still play the pets from the frozen account at PHATCH. Just scroll down. They have public domain identities and all the new pets also have public domain identities though I have yet to scan in Nasmath_of _Roanna's public domain images in yet. She is a tonu. Yeah, I got had. I got hooked. It happens. There are setbacks and I've encountered a big one.

I am looking for a way to incorporate the Nasmath character into some of my role playing. I'll have to work on that.

Meanwhile, I've got these boards set up for the avatars, for all my vengance work, for my general diary, and more. This feels terrific. On with the show! Woo-hoo! I'm off to Brainstorms or at least my play pretend equivalent. I'm back! Don't you forget it.

Even if I paint my skeith, Jalepinio21, people looking at her won't know she was born a skeith and rescued from the pound and allowed to rot for a year and a half before she was dumped. They won't know I sold my soul to the sponsors either or whored my eyeballs.

I backed away from Neopets in disgust after getting Nasmath_of_Roanna set up due to a kind of creator's remorse. I really was dreaming of that paint brush. I can't get it out of my head. I am hoping I can get it. I am hoping I can get over the longing for it. I feel so conflicted over something that is absolutely inconsequential.

Oh well...I have to remind myself that vengance against Brainstorms and all things Brianstormish comes first. I am going to have to retrain my aesthetic and sensibilities and returning to Neopets won't do that. It will just make it harder. That is very bad.

I am back. I am back because I was offered a job in Atlanta and with my job hunt over, my diary can again be online. Yay! It has taken some work to get a new spot for the diary. In a way this is a blessing in diguise because a new spot means a new beginning, but it is not so good because apparently since the migration, Blogger doesn't recognize the old blog.

For reasons that have to do with the way I think, my blog tends to get divided and compartimentalized so this newly skinned and rather pretty web board is the place to set up a new blog for a lot of reasons.

Right now I am sick and conflicted about whether to return to Neopets. I was selling my soul and whoring my eyeballs there all for the sake of a rainbow paint brush. I want to paint my skeith, Jalepinio21 rainbow. She is a good looking little beast now, but she will be drop dead gorgeous.

I know we all want frivolous things and junk. And yes, here I am with my life back and a desire to do nothing but junk. I'm also sick with some kind of a bug. Everything hurts. I'm exhausted. My stomach is upset, but not crampy.

I ought to be celebrating. I ought to be planning a pleasure trip to Atlanta even though I am going there to look for housing on Monday. Yes, I'm taking a vacation day from work. Yes, I'm still gainfully employed.

How do I feel about all this? I should feel good. I can't write about all of my life, but I don't have to keep silent any longer. On my blog or my web board, I am queen of the manure pile. No one can tell me to shut up. I'll pull your posts if you do. No one can throw me out, and I can say whatever I please within reason.

So it's on with the show. I'm even going to schul tonight for the first time in weeks. For those of you who know about my schul and for those who don't, my schul is strictly from hunger. It is full of fat cats and I had no place there as a job seeker.

Now that I am going to have a job and be leaving the area in a month, guess what? I can come back. Well regardless of my fellow worshippers Judaism prefers group worship and it is only right to give praise to Him to whom it is due for what He has done for me.

Besides being a good audience to everything I write, God is an important part of my life. I feel good about that if nothing else. OK, let me write the rest of this blog for today.