The Basics
There are three ways to do support work: The first is to be lucky enough to
be part of a support committee or team for an organization. Members of the organization
who feel they are in need
fill out a form. Also friends occasionally fill out the form for friends.
On the form, they explain their situation and then the request is sent via email (often with
several other requests) to the team members. The team members then
visit the guestbook on the recipient's web page, or if she does not have a web
page, they send an e-card with an encouraging message.
In the second method, a member of an organization reads the organization's mailing
list or web board for "prayer requests" or other demands for
attention and then performs support for those in need.
The third method occurs when the
giver performs "random acts of kindness" and simply visits a
web page and signs a guestbook. Finding those who want
attention can be a problem. The Angels Gotta Fly web page has links
to lists of sites whose owners want attention, divided of course by category.
My first support work was done as part of
RAOK's Angels of Kindness. My first recipient was a woman who had
nearly died of a miscarriage. I struggled to find the words to
put in her e-card. I used one of two support pressies I had made that weekend. These
were the third or fourth pressies I had ever made. I remember that the act felt
good but also very new and strange. Would I ever get used to giving support?
Giving support as part of a team is in many ways easier than seeking out
recipients. You know the recipient wants the attention
and the committee membership gives you a little bit of a platform from
which to base an act that feels unnatural and awkward the first few times one tries.
Most of the support discussed on this page and done
through the Angels Gotta Fly web page is random. You will
have to seek out your own recipients. The good news is there are always plenty of people waiting
for your bit of positive attention.
Common Concerns
Everyone reacts to support differently. For some
people, it may come as naturally as breathing, but if you are
unused to the kind of personal web sites whose owners seek attention, suppot work will feel
extremely strange. You can usually silence most concerns by considering the
glass half full rather than half empty. Let's work through the basic concerns:
These people are crazy! They are not crazy. They are telling their own
stories. There is nothing wrong with that. Given the right
events in your life, you might want to tell your own story too. Telling one's story
on a web page is a safe way to do it. It avoids having it challenged on
a web board, usenet group, or internet discussion list. On a web
page no one tells you that they have heard it before. You can add to
the story and embellish it and tell it for as long as you like. You can also ally your
web page with others of similar subject through web rings, or compete your web page
in contests for web pages of the same subject. Many of the pages on
the Angels Gotta Fly lists, are in just such competitions.
This means that the owners want the attention you bring them.
These people are just out for attention! You are probably right, but how many
of us get as much opportunity for attention as we really need? Not everyone
lives in a large city, has access to a good support group, or adequate informal support. It is possible to
tire out one's family, friends, or acquaintences. Then where does
one go? Remember it is good to go where you are wanted, and these people want you!
Also remember, you are using the web as an opportunity to do good. Obviously real life is not fully
meeting this opportunity for you, but where real life falls short, support work begins.
I can't find the words to say! Oh yes you can. Remember you are dealing with
people you don't know very well, so stock phrases are fine. "I care.". "I'm here for
you." "You are in my thoughts and
prayers" "Best of luck to you." all work fine. This is why pressies are
a big part of support work. There is not a lot of depth, but there
are good reasons to keep support work shallow. (See below.)
I'm a nonChristian! No problem. If you find proselytizing distasteful and
land on a page that does a lot of it, skip that page. It is helpful, by the way to
learn the difference between personal expressions of faith and proselytizing.
As for prayer requests, these are requests for attention.
A simple "I care" messages will suffice. Most guestbook messages
can include encouragement without prayer so, this shouldn't be a big deal.
I find this so depressing!
If that story makes you really uncomfortable think about why.There may be
good reason. If you feel you can not give support, try a different page or
a different category. Just as in real life people put their
charity dollars to different causes, you may feel more comfortable with some
kinds of pages than others. If sickness makes you squeamish and bereavement makes you
depressed, try pages of artwork, graphics, poetry, music, or even
math problems. Supporting the arts and creativity is necessary and fun. If you can
not stomach 9/11 tributes or certain types of politics or religion, leave those
pages alone. You decide where you go.You are needed so many places that the hard part
is choosing.
This is so shallow!
Depth is overrated, but more seriously, the shallow nature of support work
is protection. Put another way, a moving target is nearly impossible to hit. Some
recipients engage in problem behaviors. (See below) If you sign the guestbook
and leave, those behaviors remain the recipient's problem, while you remain able to
work with recipients with whom you would not want an ongoing relationship.
This is voyeuristic!
You may be saying this because something you saw on a web page really
bothers you. This may be an indication to take a break or
switch categories.
Also remember the recipients
publish their stories to the world. They tell the stories that they want you to see. They have
control over the message. You are not
prying into a space where you do not belong. You are watching a
public performance. If you are a "private person"
you need to recognize that your recipients usually are not. You also
need to realize that just because your recipients choose to
tell their story to the world, does not mean that you have to follow their example, though if
you should ever want to, you will know how having seen many examples. You can learn fairly
painlessly when you have support work because you are always free to move away from what
offends you.
Back to the top of the page.
Problems and Solutions
This section
shines a hot white light on an assortment of difficulties that crop up periodically in support work. If you
are used to a typical ladies group mailing list, you may find the writing here unkind and judgemental,
but no one, including the recipients, gains anything by pretending that everyone whose guestbook you
sign is a suffering blameless angel. Everyone who asks for it should get support.
But to give even
problem recipients among us effective support, givers need to be able to shield themselves. Givers who
find pages congenial to their tastes and outlook on life and who know how and when to pull away, will
be likely to keep on giving and encouraging others to give, rather than becoming burnt out and disillusioned.
Most support problems occur when recipients want more
than simple attention or when givers try to create a relationship that has
more depth than a quick encounter with a guestbook. Both
givers and recipients are people who have not been able to meet the need to do good or receive attention
through friends, family, or colleagues. That means that both givers and recipients may be carrying a
fair amount of baggage. Inside the giver and recipient roles, are people who can be very troubled.
Staying in the role of giver and being wary of an extended commitment to a recipient, keeps support work
an enjoyable experience. In addition, support work relies on a number of commercial providers who are out
for profit rather than making life easy for those who give support.
The list of problems is unfortunately, a long one. This does not mean that support work is inordinately
difficult. A lot can go wrong in a variety of ways when either party strays from the path of providing and accepting
a small bit of encouragement or attention. The shallow nature of support protects
the giver and recipient from one another, and unfortunately, both need protection. Here is why: